In their latest issue, the douchebags at Maxim magazine released an article counting down their choices for the top 5 “unsexiest” women.  The list looked like this:

#5: Britney Spears

#4: Madonna

#3: Sandra Oh

#2: Amy Winehouse

And finally, the #1 “unsexiest” woman alive:  Sarah Jessica Parker

Many people claim that our culture’s obsession with beauty somehow creates an unattainable goal for young girls to reach.  They like to portray Hollywood as being involved in some secret conspiracy designed to create eating disorders.  I’ve never really agreed with that, though.  There’s nothing inherently wrong with celebrities being pretty, and seeing this beauty shouldn’t hurt anyone’s self esteem.

However, something seems altogether different about this crap.  Look…these girls aren’t exactly my cup of tea, either…but to say that these women are the unsexiest women possible?  First off, it’s incredibly mean-spirited towards the women targeted.  Worse, though, is that Maxim is basically telling girls everywhere that by attaining even these levels of sexiness, you are still just some hideous piece of shit who deserves to be insulted and mocked.

This one list seems like it could cause more damage to the self esteem of girls everywhere, than any issue of Cosmo ever did.  Fortunately, most women are too smart to read the mindless drivel they print in Maxim.

Note:  I haven’t actually read the article, and am therefore relying only on the media’s interpretation as a main source.  If the article was some obvious parody, April Fool’s joke, or any other less-than-evil thing that is simply being taken out of context, please correct me.

Since the “allegations” that Barack Obama is a Muslim haven’t stuck (as if that would automatically be a bad thing anyway), the anti-Obama camp have decided to dig into his actual religion.  What they discovered is that Obama’s pastor of 20 years has a habit of making unpopular political statements from the pulpit.

Jeremiah Wright, the preacher in question, has been quoted as saying things such as:

“We bombed Hiroshima, we bombed Nagasaki, and we nuked far more than the thousands in New York and the Pentagon, and we never batted an eye.”

“We have supported state terrorism against the Palestinians and black South Africans, and now we are indignant because the stuff we have done overseas is now brought right back to our own front yards. America’s chickens are coming home to roost.”

“The government gives them the drugs, builds bigger prisons, passes a three-strike law and then wants us to sing ‘God Bless America?’ No, no, no.  Goddamn America.  That’s in the Bible for killing innocent people. Goddamn America for treating our citizens as less than human. Goddamn America for as long as she acts like she is God and she is supreme.”

“Racism is how this country was founded and how this country is still run!  We believe in white supremacy and black inferiority and believe it more than we believe in God.”

“Barack knows what it means living in a country and a culture that is controlled by rich white people. Hillary would never know that. Hillary ain’t never been called a nigger.”

“Bill did us, just like he did Monica Lewinsky. He was riding dirty.”

Now, some of the stuff he says seems a little crazy, but not all of it is 100% untrue.  The reasons for 9/11, for example, definitely did have something to do with American foreign policy (and, no…understanding that fact does not equate to anti-Americanism).  Also, while racism doesn’t exactly run the country as he claims, it’s certainly a more complicated issue than we give it credit for.

Of course, I also wonder how many decent political statements this guy might have made that aren’t being reported.  We all know that the media likes to pick and choose their soundbites to suit their own needs.  Were these just a few choice quotes from a rather long career, or did this talk make up the vast majority of his sermons?

The worst part of the story, though, is the assumption that Barack Obama must then believe everything this preacher says, simply because he’s attended that church for so long.  The logic behind that is absurdly stupid at best.  I very strongly disagree with some of my closest friends on certain issues, but I’m not going to disown them over those arguments.  Everyone’s touting the implied guilt by association that stems from the 20 years Obama has known this man…but don’t we also have to allow for the possibility that this 20 year relationship was simply more important to Obama than condemning a man for views that are contrary to his own?  Isn’t it more likely that this 20-year relationship continues in spite of this man’s rantings, rather than because of them?

But that’s what people expect now.  It seems like they want Obama to run this guy out if the church with a torch and pitchfork…and why?  Because he used his right to free speech???  Fuck that!  Why would I want a president who doesn’t support free speech?

We’ve already got one of those, and he hasn’t been working out too well.

The previews for this episode of Lost claimed that someone would die.  Seconds before it happened, I joked to Autumn, “What if they just killed off Rousseau and then the show ended?”  Go figure, eh?  I felt like our friend Mikey, who has a habit of totally ruining things for us when his crazy theories end up being true (i.e. announcing at the beginning of the episode Eggtown that Kate’s baby would be Aaron.  They hadn’t even shown the goddamned baby yet!).

In any case…I’m hoping they fill in the plotholes surrounding the difference between island time and real world time.  I’ve already mentioned that Aaron would seemingly be too old to be Kate’s baby…but this would be even more pronounced if time is different on the island.

Also think about this:  When Sayid and Desmond flew from the island to the freighter, the short trip seemed to last several days from the perspective of people on the island.  So, if Michael has only been away for about a month (in island time), then he would have been in the real world for even less time.  Yet, he already lost his son, became suicidal, start working for Ben again, and is now on a boat by the island?  Where does he find the time?

It’s not a big deal to me if they never explain that shit.  I’ll just sit back and enjoy the ride with disbelief suspended.  But it would be nice if they had a plan.

Now, I just have to figure out what to do for the next 5 weeks while waiting for the return of Lost.

Ashley Dupre, the callgirl who “took down” New York governer Elliot Spitzer, was apparently offered $1,000,000 to appear in a Girls Gone Wild video.  Almost as soon as this was reported, though, follow-up stories announced that the offer had been withdrawn.  Supposedly, Ashley had been spotted in footage of previous Girls Gone Wild outings, which I suppose proves the old adage, “Why buy the slut when you can get the naked teenaged boobies for free?”

Of course, now it’s beginning to circulate that she just might have been underage at the time.  I really hope that’s not the case, though.  If it is, she’ll probably just sue them anyway.

No matter the outcome here, she’s set to make plenty of cash before this whole scandal blows over, which is a shame.  Even more depressing:  Someone watches enough Girls Gone Wild that they actually thought to themselves, “Wait a minute…I know those bare breasts from somewhere!”

The previous list of search terms I had collected from February’s logs were lost in a tragic Summer’s Eve explosion during our latest vacation.  I’ve searched as far back as I could to try and recover all of them, but was hindered by the sheer amount of Lauren Cleri queries.  Here’s what I was able to find:

• mojojojo
• why is my temporary crown painful
• if it exists “you can find porn of it”
• firepaste recipe
• xkcd morpho
• ultimate cage match - superheroes
• roadside sculpture
• is a cunt music meatsock
• buffalo tongue
• “leave britney alone no
• brian cutaia photo
• SwissMiniGun FACT
• Dino Cutaia
• emetophobiea
• psychoactive durgs images
• road trip lake michigan

Seriously, how stupid can you be?

Now, first off, I’d like to say that I don’t actually have a problem with legalizing prostitution.  I wouldn’t necessarily go to a hooker, but I don’t see why it should be illegal for 2 people to have sex simply because money is involved.  It’s a person’s right to do whatever they want with their own body, as far as I’m concerned.

However, since the laws Spitzer fought so hard to protect don’t agree with me…what the hell was he thinking?  I don’t even know what the final numbers were, but this guy spent a lot of fucking money on whores.  (Edit: I just noticed that “fucking money” could be taken quite literally in this instance)

What I really want to know, though, is why the hookers always get so much notoriety in these cases.  She’s already making tons of money from her shitty music, and offers are rolling in from the pornography industry.  So, how exactly does prostitution change from an illegal activity, to a multi-million dollar investment?  That’s just the kind of society we live in, I suppose:  We hate hookers until one of them fucks someone important.

Screw ethanol.  Let’s make cars that run on hypocrisy.  We’ll be driving until 2013 from this story alone.

Nine Inch Nails frontman Trent Reznor, who had a hand in offering the free versions of Saul Williams‘ latest album, is once again taking the Harvey Danger approach to business (that’s right, bitches…Harvey Danger was offering free albums long before Radiohead became “pioneers” for doing so.  For that matter, so was Self).  This time, you can get part one of his new album Ghosts I-IV for free.  If you want the whole album, though, you will have to pay for it.

It’s interesting to note just how much money people are making by giving away free albums, and then charging an insane amount for special versions.  The order page states that the 2,500 ultra-deluxe limited editions that were selling at $300 are already gone.  That’s a guaranteed $750,000 in Trent’s pocket.  Basically, rich people are paying more so that poor people can enjoy the music, too.  It’s almost like communism, isn’t it?

I really do.  YouTube is single-handedly destroying video on the internet.  It used to be that someone had to be willing to spend a little money to host their videos.  It acted as a type of built-in quality control (obviously this wasn’t flawless, as proven by the existence of my website).

Now, any moron with a webcam can post videos all over the place.  I guarantee that there are at least one million YouTube videos that aren’t worth a moment of my time.  There are examples everywhere, but since I randomly just ran across one, I thought I’d post it:

Autumn’s stolen car was found in some alley by the Denver police.  Today, we stopped by the salvage yard to grab some things and say goodbye.  I also took a few pictures for posterity.

In this shot, the sad sight of her partially stripped car didn’t stop the sky from looking terrific: 

The hood and front fenders were taken, as well as the battery:

Here lie the remains of the brand new fucking ignition we had recently been forced to install…

They also took the radio, even though there was no faceplate.  I’m guessing this one was just out of spite.

As long as you’re stealing cars, might as well fuck up the interior, too…right?

They also bent back the license plate for some reason.  Is this somehow less suspicious when driving a stolen car?  Note that the Everything’s OK and Ron Paul stickers are still in perfect condition.

Person 1: Did you hear that some chick sat on a toilet for two years straight?
Person 2: Really?
Person 1: No shit.

…maybe it’s in the delivery.