Americans everywhere are so up in arms about a new advertisement by Absolut Vodka, that the company has actually decided to pull it. The ad, only released in Mexico, showed a map of North America where the Mexican border extended north of the Rio Grande, into U.S. territory, and included the caption, “In an Absolut world.” (You don’t say? How dare they?!)

I’m personally a little offended that Absolut gave in to the whiny minority in this instance, because they had nothing to apologize for. All of the arguments against this advertisement are baseless, incredibly moronic and ethnocentric beyond belief. Comments about it range from the over-exaggerated, “I have poured the remainder of my Absolut bottles down the sink” to the horrendously misguided, “What if we drew up a map showing Paris as German territory? Same thing!”

That last quote (supposedly from a conservative talk radio host, although I’ve yet to verify which one) is an example of exactly what is wrong with America. The idiots are angry, but they don’t really know why. They all assume that this ad is some exhortation for Mexicans to invade the United States (hence the anger and comparisons to Nazi occupation). However, this only proves how little these “patriotic Americans” care to know about real history.

Perhaps they don’t teach about this in school anymore (we were always at war with Eastasia), but this map is actually a fairly accurate representation of what Mexico actually looked like in 1846, before the Mexican-American War. How is it possibly offensive, or anti-American, for an ad to imply that Mexicans might possibly prefer to still own the land that was ceded to the United States in 1848?

This is why patriotism runs so low in this country: The only people being vocal about it are pretty bad fucking spokesmen. In this day and age, real Americans supposedly believe that the United States have always existed as they are now on this flat Earth, and that we should boycott anyone who dares to suggest otherwise…despite logic and all in the name of freedom!

If that’s patriotism, count me the fuck out.

Alright…I guess I’ll blort the newest video from Pete Is Pissed.  This guy did the best puppet sex scene since Team America: World Police.  I guess political rage and puppet sex just go together…

I got an e-mail from donot-replay@visa.com that said:

“Dear Credit Card Customer,

Your Card balance is currently overdue and we require an immediate payment of 816,94.

Please click here to make on-line credit card payment. [link removed]

Payments will be posted to your account within 72 hours
from the time the credit card transaction is completed.

***** Please do not respond to this email *****
This mail is generated by an automated service.”

It doesn’t seem anyone would send these e-mails if they didn’t work at least once in awhile.  So, I suppose somewhere, some idiot is falling for this crap right now.

Society…please stop ruining my faith in you…

The description of this image stated that creative minded people would see a girl spinning clockwise, while more logical people would see her spinning counter-clockwise.  I don’t know if I believe all that bullshit, but I do know one thing:  Watching this girl switch between clockwise and counter-clockwise rotations is really trippy, and will keep you occupied for quite awhile if you can train your mind to do it…

Edit:  For the record, based on the shadow, she is definitely going counter-clockwise, which I assume is why those people get labeled as “logical” while the others are considered “creative.”  However, it seems to be more a matter of timing that determines her direction.  Start watching when her outstretched foot is to the right, and she’ll likely spin clockwise.  Start watching while that foot is to the left, and the opposite seems to occur.  At least that’s how it works for me.  Any thoughts?

I’ve been feeling a bit suffocated the past week or so.  We had a girl named Nadia living with us while she found a place of her own.  She’s a very nice girl, and I would really like to keep hanging out with her on the weekends, but I remembered something while she was here:  I need my damn quiet time.  I need time to write, and be alone, and…fuck, just to watch porn even!

She was gone tonight when I got home from work, and all her stuff was as well.  It looks like I have my regular old life back again.

Interesting search terms from last month.  A lot of them had a decidedly sexual slant this time around:

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• March 17th, 2008 Lauren Cleri