Ranked from most to least frequently, here is where I learn all I need to know about what’s going on in the world:

1) Lew Rockwell
2) The Daily Show/The Colbert Report
3) Word of mouth
4) cnn.com

The last one I only resort to when I really have absolutely nothing better to do.  CNN isn’t even the best of the major media outlets (although it’s by far not the worst…that dishonor goes to FOX News), but it simply has the most user-friendly layout to me.

“In my view, there simply is no untouchable constitutional right guaranteed by the Second Amendment to keep loaded handguns in the house in crime-ridden urban areas.”  So says Supreme Court Justice, Stephen Breyer, in his dissent from today’s majority ruling striking down D.C.’s 1979 handgun ban, which for almost 30 years has somehow failed to end gun violence in the district (evidently, those damned criminals refuse to recognize the bans).  I don’t care what side of the issue you’re on, though…that’s a pretty idiotic statement.  I’m sorry, but if I was a good American citizen living in a crime-ridden urban area, my house is exactly where I would want my loaded handgun to be.

So, which houses should handguns be allowed in?  Should rich, white people in gated communities be able to protect their homes and loved ones in such a manner?  If so, why can’t people in crime-ridden urban areas?  Aren’t they the ones who would be most in need of that protection?  Of course not!  According to Steven Breyer, there are no victims in the ghetto, only troublemakers.  After all, if you wanted to be safe, you would just move to a better neighborhood, right?

As Sam Kinison once said in regards to the world hunger problem:  “Live where the food is!”  At least 1 out of 9 Supreme Court judges apparently believe in logic like that.

There’s another trend in reality television these days - specifically dating shows like Rock of Love and the ludicrous Farmer Wants a Wife - that is really starting to annoy the crap out of me.  In every one of these shows the female contestants are always getting accused of “not opening up” or “holding stuff back.”

What fucking planet do these guys live on?  I’m sick of hearing shit like, “I’m eliminating you today because, although we’ve had a great connection in the few days we’ve known each other, it just feels like you’re still holding stuff back.”  Or, “I really like you but it just feels like you haven’t completely opened up yet.”  Et cetera, et cetera, et cetera.  You just fucking met these people, idiot!  Obviously, you’ve gotta have a couple screws loose in the first place to think that being won as a prize is a good idea, but come on!

Relationships aren’t built in a day and there is no such thing as “love at first elimination.”

I saw the new ABC show I Survived a Japanese Game Show last night.  The commercials made it seem awesome.  “Finally!” I thought to myself, “A Japanese-style game show I’ll be able to understand the rules to!”

Unfortunately, there’s a distinct difference between our two cultures.  Japan is able to simply have a stupid fun game show where people show up, get dirty and have a blast.  America, however, had to take that wonderful concept and turn it fucking awful.  As with all things on network television, we had to turn it into a reality show.  That’s right…we can’t just enjoy watching people dressed in bee costumes throwing themselves against a windshield-shaped wall.  No!  We’re America!  We need 7 fucking soliloquies letting us know how the contestants feel about dressing up in bee costumes.  We have to know how each contestant feels about their teammates and opponents.  After each and every tiny challenge, we need to see the winning team be lavishly rewarded while the losing team is punished.  That’s the American way!  And by decree of the immutable laws of reality television…everything must take fucking forever! 

So, fuck you I Survived a Japanese Game Show.  Keep your real-life human drama and relationships out of our silly, messy, lovable Japanese game shows.

Sidenote:  Wipeout, the show that precedes this crap was pretty awesome.  It was just moment after moment of people flinging their bodies around ridiculous obstacle courses.  Now that’swhat I’m talking about!  Tune in for Wipeout, then change the channel when it’s over.

I’m going to recommend a movie based solely on the following introductory sentence from Netflix’s description:

When virtuous high school student Dawn becomes the victim of a sexual assault, she discovers that she has an unexpected line of defense: a toothed vagina.

Teeth!  I haven’t seen it yet, but I can’t wait.  We’ll be downloading it tonight, but I won’t be back with a review.  If you want to know if it’s awful or the best thing in the world, you’ll have to find out for yourself.  But with a description that includes the phrase “toothed vagina,” can you really go wrong?

The appearance of part 13 of The Kris Story proves it.  Sorry about the hiatus, but for once I actually had a good reason.  Fixing up a condo is hard work.

Oklahoma recently passed a resolution (by a huge margin) declaring it’s sovereignty under the 10th amendment.  How do we get Colorado to follow suit?  Here’s the text of the resolution:

STATE OF OKLAHOMA
2nd Session of the 51st Legislature (2008)
HOUSE JOINT
RESOLUTION 1089 By: Key

AS INTRODUCED
A Joint Resolution claiming sovereignty under the Tenth Amendment to the Constitution of the United States over certain powers; serving notice to the federal government to cease and desist certain mandates; and directing distribution.

WHEREAS, the Tenth Amendment to the Constitution of the United States reads as follows: “The powers not delegated to the United States by the Constitution, nor prohibited by it to the States, are reserved to the States respectively, or to the people.”; and
WHEREAS, the Tenth Amendment defines the total scope of federal power as being that specifically granted by the Constitution of the United States and no more; and
WHEREAS, the scope of power defined by the Tenth Amendment means that the federal government was created by the states specifically to be an agent of the states; and
WHEREAS, today, in 2008, the states are demonstrably treated as agents of the federal government; and
WHEREAS, many federal mandates are directly in violation of the Tenth Amendment to the Constitution of the United States; and
WHEREAS, the United States Supreme Court has ruled in New York v. United States, 112 S. Ct. 2408 (1992), that Congress may not simply commandeer the legislative and regulatory processes of the states; and
WHEREAS, a number of proposals from previous administrations and some now pending from the present administration and from Congress may further violate the Constitution of the United States.

NOW, THEREFORE, BE IT RESOLVED BY THE HOUSE OF REPRESENTATIVES AND THE SENATE OF THE 2ND SESSION OF THE 51ST OKLAHOMA LEGISLATURE:

THAT the State of Oklahoma hereby claims sovereignty under the Tenth Amendment to the Constitution of the United States over all powers not otherwise enumerated and granted to the federal government by the Constitution of the United States.
THAT this serve as Notice and Demand to the federal government, as our agent, to cease and desist, effective immediately, mandates that are beyond the scope of these constitutionally delegated powers.
THAT a copy of this resolution be distributed to the President of the United States, the President of the United States Senate, the Speaker of the United States House of Representatives, the Speaker of the House and the President of the Senate of each state’s legislature of the United States of America, and each member of the Oklahoma Congressional Delegation.

http://www.okhouse.gov/51LEG/Leg_Votesxx.aspx?include=okh01983.txt

http://www.ok-safe.com/files/documents/1/HJR1089_int.pdf

“Disinfectant wipes routinely used in hospitals may actually spread drug-resistant bacteria rather than kill the dangerous infections.”

So says this Reuters article.  It goes on to say that while these wipes may kill some bacterias, other superbugs (you know…the kinds that end up wiping out huge percentages of populations every now and then) not only survive, but in fact are being spread by the wipes.  Of course, anyone with basic common sense (or a copy of Jurassic Park) could have guessed that life will always ”find a way.”

So, I’m becoming increasingly convinced that we’re probably closer to a huge civilization changing plague than we’d like to think.  Not only is over-sanitization affecting the ability of our immune systems to learn how to work, but it’s also helping to spread the few bacterias that were already fucking dangerous in the first place.

Do yourself a favor and lick a doorknob…

We tried to go to Arches National Park for Autumn’s birthday today, but she randomly fell ill halfway there.  Over four hours into the trip we were forced to turn around towards home.  She got better as we neared home, but stayed a bit sick for the rest of the day…

After this and our last anniversary, it seems that special days aren’t working out so well for the two of us.

Oh well, we’re gonna make the trip some time in the next couple of weeks to make up for today.  Special thanks go out to Steve and Kristen for being so cool about the 9 hour long journey to nowhere.

I’m returning from my long hiatus with a pointless-ass random link.

Saw an ad for something called Jingle Jugs tonight.  It defies any explanation that won’t sound as stupid as the product itself, so I’ll just post the URL and let you see for yourself:

http://www.jinglejugs.com