This is just an update to let you know that there won’t be (m)any updates this weekend.  Perhaps not throughout the week, either.  We’re finally getting some of the big stuff started here in the condo, so I’m hoping to just work hard until it’s all finished.  Priorities and whatnot…

In honor of NOKSAM, here’s a recipe for what appears to be a delicious kidney bean soup!

From Group Recipes:

This dish is wonderful on a cold winter day! Make sure to have some crusty bread for this! This makes great leftovers. Add water when you cook this the second round!

Prep-time: 25m / Cook-time: 115m / Servings: 8

• 3 regular pork chops
• 3 sliced carrots
• 3 coarsely chopped celery ribs
• 1 cup canned whole tomatoes, chopped
• 1 coarsely chopped onion
• 2 regular cans kidney beans
• 2 potatoes, chopped in bite-size pieces
• 2 cubes beef bouillon cube
• freshly ground salt

Directions:

1. Over medium heat, add meat, carrots, celery and tomatoes to a large pot of water.
2. Bring to a rolling boil, reduce to a simmer for 90 min.
3. In a separate pan, fry pork chops, until brown.
4. In your soup pot, add the kidney beans (don’t drain the liquid), potatoes and onions.
5. This will cook until the potatoes are tender (20 min.)
6. Add the bouillon, simmer for around 5 minutes. Add salt and pepper.
7. Enjoy!

For the past few months cnn.com has been offering t-shirts with genuine CNN headlines printed on them.  Due to their complete removal from any kind of context, the results usually range from slightly funny (”Tasing ‘not a pleasurable experience’“) to completely irrelevent (”Mrs. Edwards slams McCain’s health plan“) to potentially creepy enough to get you beat up by mobs of strangers (”Teen too young for ‘come hither’ pose?“).  Essentially, though, they all have one important thing in common:  They allow you to tell the world that you existed when something happened.  (The biggest question I have?  Why didn’t CNN think to trademark these shirts as Chestlines?  Too late now, CNN…it’s mine!)

If I had to pick a favorite, it would be this Blort’s™ namesake CNN shirt:

Obviously, CNN has chosen to limit the stories that become Chestlines™.  After all, the fashion world probably isn’t ready for t-shirts emblazoned with slogans like:

• Gays in Iraq terrorized by threats, rape, murder
• Beheaded Hitler waxwork will be restored
• Army suicides highest in nearly 2 decades, study finds
• Cells, texting give predators secret path to kids
• Child rapists can’t be executed, Supreme Court rules

Edit: I cut 24-hour help for gay youth from my selection of joke Chestlines™ while trimming down my initial list.  However, I thought it was worth mentioning that this story, which is about a “crisis and suicide prevention number for gay and questioning youth,” was found in the “entertainment” section of CNN.

As I’ve alluded to…the neoconservative warmongers who have hijacked the Republican party generally don’t actually believe in things like the constitution or freedom (at least not when applied to anyone they hate or disagree with).  Keeping with that trend, New York Republican Peter King is practically begging the Metropolitan Transit Authority to reject ads for a website about Islam.  Each ad says something like, “Q: Head scarf?” or “Q: Prophet Muhammad?” on one side, with a website address and the phrase, “A: You deserve to know,” included on the other side.

So, why does King want the ads rejected?  “I have no problem with the ad itself, but I have a very, very real problem with those behind it,” he said.  Ah…of course.  I forgot that religious speech is no longer constitutionally protected once a congressman has a problem with the people making it.  After all…this would otherwise be a first amendment issue, right?  “I’m calling on the MTA not to have these ads, not to go forward with them, and I don’t see this as a free speech issue at all.”

Not a free speech issue?  A government official attempting to stop the promotion of a religion is not a free speech issue?  I’m guessing that his rationale is that no “law” is being passed to stop the speech, so it’s “technically” not unconstitutional for him to request as a citizen that the ads be rejected.  This is the problem with our country, though.  Our elected officials have very little respect for the spirit of the constitution and instead are constantly looking for the loopholes.

Look, if the people advertising this website have actually done something wrong as King implies…fucking arrest them!  If not, then leave them the hell alone!  Currently, though, all they are doing is promoting Islam.  The real thing, too…not the terrorism-equals-jihad Osama bin Laden style.  No, the guys running Why Islam actually seem to recognize that terrorism is antithetical to the teachings of the Qur’an.

So back off Peter King.  The worst that could happen is that some oversensitive New York rednecks get pissed off about the existence of Muslims.  On the other hand, maybe some Islamic extremists will actually learn something from this website about their religion of peace.

Than feels like a leftover from a forgotten tongue.  It’s one of those words that will never look right to me.  Not like ”milk” or “through,” which only seem odd if I stare at them long enough, but forever and intrinsically wrong.  It’s that hideous little “a” which my eye is immediately drawn to.  It seems so out of place there, just tainting the entire word.  I always feel as though some error has somehow snuck into the conversation when it is used.  Everything is moving along smoothly…then comes than.  Better than.  More than.  Worse than.  Stranger than.  No word is stranger than than.

Old, but I just found this for the first time. It’s a poem comprised entirely of Bush quotes.  If you’ve seen this before, I somehow doubt it will fail to make you laugh (or cry) again:

Make the Pie Higher

I think we all agree, the past is over.
This is still a dangerous world.
It’s a world of madmen and uncertainty,
And potential mental losses.

Rarely is the question asked,
Is our children learning?
Will the highways of the internet become more few?
How many hands have I shaked?

They misunderestimate me.
I am a pitbull on the pantleg of opportunity.
I know that the human being and the fish can coexist.
Families is where our nation finds hope, where our wings take dream.

Put food on your family!
Knock down the tollbooth!
Vulcanize society!
Make the pie higher! Make the pie higher!

Now, I just have one question:

Who the fuck is A-Rod?

Well, Autumn’s kidney stone may suck a lot…but at least she doesn’t need her kidney removed:

I just learned that 2 and a half years ago, William Shatner sold a kidney stone he had passed for $20,000.

Anyone want Autumn’s stone?  I’ll start the bidding at a mere 500 bucks.  Come on, people…we’ve got medical bills to pay!

The stalker responded again to my most recent Comcast-related rant.  This time he had the following to say:

ComcastCares July 16th, 2008 8:54 pm

Actually you can select once, specific day, or everyday. After you go through setting the time and day, the next screen you will select the channel, and the next screen will have a variety of options. Select Recording Settings and you can select to record each week, daily or once.

I will be happy to share the feedback regarding HD programming. There is a lot coming. As you see channels move from analog to free space you will see new HD added. Also check out some of the other cool things coming:
http://www.comcast.com/ces

I hope this helps!

Thanks,
Frank

Jesus Christ!  Alright!  So, after a lot of fiddling, I discovered that this technically does work.  I just never knew it because this seemingly important option is, first of all, buried 6 fucking screens into the process (why in the hell wouldn’t “recording frequency” and “channel” be on the very first relevant page?).  Secondly, if you’ve already set a program through “Record From TV Listings” and are simply trying to make things more efficient by setting a manual recording instead…guess what?  The options to record everyday/once a week/mon-fri are (to use your favorite word) actually not available.  They don’t even appear in a grayed-out fashion…they simply don’t exist, which is what led to my original rant in the first place.  So, you can still take your attitude and shove it up your ass, Frank.

The points remain:  I shouldn’t have to go through 6 fucking screens to set a manual program.  When I get there, options shouldn’t be missing for any reason.  The “Record From TV Listings” function should work properly in the first place.  You’re a douche.