Thank you for bringing us important stories like this:

SYDNEY —  A New Zealand man has been sentenced to community service after telling police he was raped by a wombat and the experience had made him speak “Australian”.

Arthur Ross Cradock, 48, from the South Island town of Motueka, called police on February 11 and told them he was being raped at his home by the wombat and he needed help, The Nelson Mail newspaper reported.

The orchard worker later called back and said: “Apart from speaking Australian now, I’m pretty all right, you know.”

In case you have no idea what a wombat looks like (I didn’t), here’s a picture:

The question, though, is why a supposedly respectable news organization would be reporting shit like this?  I think the answer is obvious:  Fox News is nothing more than a tabloid.

Stop getting your news from these assholes, people!