There’s something mystical to me about the “unsolved” math problems of the world.  Occasionally I find myself obsessing over things like the Busy Beaver function and the concept of π.  The thought of all those numbers just sends me into a ponderous daze.  The idea that any number could be too big or too complex for humanity to master is just amazing.

I’ve also spent many hours staring at lists of prime numbers, placing them in tables, trying to discover some discernable pattern.  I like the idea that solving such a problem would somehow lead humanity into a new renaissance (or perhaps into an era of our destruction, reminiscent of the opening scene of 2001: A Space Odyssey).  I always envisioned that by simply placing that one final digit on a chalkboard somewhere, the universe would somehow instantly change.

Or imagine, if you will, taking an incredibly long piece of white yarn, where each centimeter of the yarn equals one number.  Now, take each prime numbered length of yarn and paint it black.  I like to think that were you to take that string and coil it outwards on the ground in a spiral, it would somehow end up drawing the answers to the mysteries of the universe.  Some concrete proof of purpose in all things…a pixelated version of Michelangelo’s Creation of Adam or something.

Even if I had the time to attempt such an experiment, though, I don’t think I would.  I’d be too afraid that I would end up staring at a random collection of dots.  Frozen static on the floor.

Edit:  Nevermind.  I just Googled “Prime Number Spiral” to make sure I had never mentioned this before and discovered that my idea is, in fact, not a new one.  The people at numberspiral.com have actually done this already.  The result is not very miraculous, looking more like a basketball than anything else.  Still pretty neat, but not quite the epiphany I had hoped for.  I knew I should have left this idea in my head where the possibilities remained endless…

After completing my order at the McDonald’s drive-through this morning, the lady at the other end of the speaker said to me, “Good job, sir.  That’ll be $9.86.”  Accent on the “job.”  Good job, sir.

“Good job?” I thought to myself.  At first, I waved off the non sequitur as a simple misstatement…something akin to replying, “You, too!” when the pizza delivery driver tells you to enjoy your meal.  However, as I drove around the building, I began to wonder.  Maybe, just maybe, I had displayed some unusually high aptitude for drive-through ordering.  I had, after all, been quick, decisive and polite…all in all, a fairly good showing.

Alas, my suspicions were confirmed when I reached Window #1.  As I held out my debit card, she handed me a large stack of coupons for free breakfast sandwiches (with purchase of a McCafe item, of course).  There were about 20 coupons there.  I can only assume that they must be my reward.  A prize, if you will, for excellence in the field of McMuffin ordering!

I’d like to thank all the little people…

I’m sorry, but this website just makes me laugh:  http://cranialtech.com/

Sure, the title of this YouTube video sounds like some kind of furry porn, but instead it’s the most amazing stop-motion art I’ve ever seen.  Sure, it maybe doesn’t have the polish of a real production (it’s obviously homemade), but the amazement comes from it’s sheer brilliance and creativity.

Somebody give this guy a full length motion picture script and let him animate it just like this!

If I weren’t such a lazy bastard, I would have the Everything’s OK Blog to post this link in.  But I am, so I don’t.  This will have to do then.

Here is an excellent article from…Cracked?  It’s a sad day in America when such a website produces more informative and logical articles than your average mainstream media outlet.

The 5 Most Popular Safety Laws (That Don’t Work)

For more on Zero Tolerance, also see This Is True.

I almost don’t deserve to even have one.  I apologize for being such a terrible webmaster.