While Dewey passed away a couple of years back, I just now stumbled upon the story of Dewey, the library cat.  When Dewey was left in the book return one night, library employees decided to adopt him.  He lived until the ripe old age of 19; during those years he ”worked” for the Spencer Library with the following job description:

1. Reducing stress for all humans who pay attention to him.
2. Sitting by the front door every morning at 9:00 am to greet the public as they enter the library.
3. Sampling all boxes that enter the library for security problems and comfort level.
4. Attending all meetings in the Round Room as official library ambassador.
5. Providing comic relief for staff and visitors whenever possible.
6. Climbing in book bags and briefcases while patrons are studying or trying to retrieve needed papers underneath him.
7. Generating free national and world-wide publicity for Spencer Public Library. (This entails sitting still for photographs, smiling for the camera, and generally being cute.)
8. Working toward status as world’s most finicky cat by refusing all but the most expensive, delectable foods—and even turning up his nose at those most of the time.

I’m surprised, but delighted, that they were able to get away with this for all that time without some whiny bitch complaining that this violated the rights of library-goers who are allergic to cats.  Good for you, Spencer Library.  I wish my local library had a cat hanging out.  Who knows?  Then I might actually go there and pay my late fees.

Through all the hard work you’ve done for Comcast, a Google search of your name no longer places my old Blort™, Frank Eliason probably has a tiny penis, on the first page of results.  In fact, that entry is now 43rd…and we all know that people never get past the third page.

Not everyone has been as lucky as you.  Lauren Cleri still sees a cartoon version of herself performing oral sex on a game show host when she Google’s her name.  Just below Rebekah Sanderlin’s real website is my Blort™ calling her a fucking idiot.  Hell, even a search of “Cloverfield Sucks” keeps me on page two, and I’m pretty sure a lot more people have written about Cloverfield than about you.

So way to go, Frank Eliason!  Your penis has been upgraded from “probably tiny” to “assumably average.”  The Google never lies.

“I want, not for personally for me, but for working Americans, to have a option, that if they don’t like their health insurance, if it’s too expensive, they can’t afford it, if the government can cobble together a cheaper insurance policy that gives the same benefits, I see that as a plus for the folks.”
-Bill O’Reilly

And the supposed “conservatives” continue to show how ignorant they are.  The free market is something that they don’t actually support because they don’t understand a lick of it.  The thing about free-market competition, is that it requires businesses to succeed or fail on their own merits.

What Billy-boy doesn’t seem to get is that the government’s version of “cobbling together” a policy essentially amounts to a room full of bureaucrats pulling numbers out of their asses until enough constituants are happy enough to get them re-elected next year.  When was the last time the government honestly shopped around for a good deal?  The fact is, they don’t have to.  First off, they’re most likely to just go with the company who gave them the biggest campaign contribution.  If that means sacrificing bargains, they know they can always just print more money to “create” a good deal for the end-user…the voters.  The voters, unfortunately, aren’t concerned that these actions end up affecting the future of our economy or about the Federal-Reserve-propelled decline of the dollar, though, because these are less concrete or immediate concepts.

For years, the Democrats and the Republicans have been force-feeding the public an idea that cheaper such-and-such, right this moment, means that the future is in good hands (pay no attention to the trillions of dollars in debt behind the curtain).

This is the bottom line behind why a public “option,” is not a true free-market solution.  The government doesn’t understand or care about things like cost vs. profit (or even breaking-even) because, “Hell!  If we run out of money, we’ll just print more!”  No loans, no bankruptcy, no real accountability…just pass it off to the children!  Governments don’t operate under the same constraints of economic reality that a real business must.

So, Bill…you think your current plan is great for you, yet support a government plan for all us lowly peons out there (way to stick to principles you sycophantic prick), but keep in mind:  When the government “option” accidentally (?) creates a monopoly based on their inexperience with actual business practice and their neverending supply of funny money, what exactly do you think will happen to your wonderful plan?  The government can simply offset unsustainable costs by selling off bits and pieces of our future (i.e. printing money, which is for all intents and purposes a hidden tax) and nobody will be the wiser.  Can your plan say the same?  Or will it suddenly have even less money coming in due to customers jumping ship, while still having to support its remaining members?  Sounds like a recipe for disaster if you ask me.

From the viewpoint of the masses, a public “option” appears to be a perfect solution.  They see all these positives for the proles, but the negatives are too obscure for your average American to consider.  And it’s not socialized medicine, right?  Just more free-market competition!  But as I said, competition only works when all the competitors are playing the same game.  A public option is effectively killing or severely crippling the private sector, not because it’s inherently better, but because it’s not based in any kind of economic reality.

I just can’t wait for Bill O’Reilly’s insurance company to go out of business because it can no longer compete with a mob of thieves who just counterfeit money in order to have the “best” plan out there.  Then after 4 years, everyone can pat themselves on the back, get re-elected, and “keep on fuckin’.”

So, the pills I’ve been taking these last few months have a couple nasty side effects, one of which is that I tend to get fairly tired for a brief period of time each morning.  Rockstar energy drinks help greatly.

This morning, though, I forgot to bring my precious stay-awake elixir and happened to be hit by the worst bout of tiredness I’ve experienced in a long, long time.  All I really remember is 2 hours flying by and some futile attempts to do bits and pieces of work in between nodding off repeatedly, despite my best efforts to keep my eyes open.

At lunch I picked up a triple sized Rockstar, perked up immensely and have since gotten down to business.

The best part of this whole thing was looking over the handwritten notes I had taken while still in my delirious stupor.  The chicken scratches are barely legible remnants of what appear to be a child’s (or drug addict’s) ramblings.  My favorite sections?  “Hospital” became “HStippal,” while “Nebraska Medical Center” somehow transformed into “hexase Nebrsta Nmbra Mede Centre.”