Through all the hard work you’ve done for Comcast, a Google search of your name no longer places my old Blort™, Frank Eliason probably has a tiny penis, on the first page of results.  In fact, that entry is now 43rd…and we all know that people never get past the third page.

Not everyone has been as lucky as you.  Lauren Cleri still sees a cartoon version of herself performing oral sex on a game show host when she Google’s her name.  Just below Rebekah Sanderlin’s real website is my Blort™ calling her a fucking idiot.  Hell, even a search of “Cloverfield Sucks” keeps me on page two, and I’m pretty sure a lot more people have written about Cloverfield than about you.

So way to go, Frank Eliason!  Your penis has been upgraded from “probably tiny” to “assumably average.”  The Google never lies.