So, the act of “smoking Smarties,” which I just heard about today, has (according to the Wall Street Journal) become a “cultural phenomenon.”  What this entails is essentially:  Smashing up some candy, putting it in your mouth and blowing out the powder.  I’m not sure how popular this could really be, but the quote above comes directly from 18-year old Jeremy Froncek, seen here sporting a trendy emo look and a pair of iPod earbuds.  Let’s face it…this kid just screams cultural phenomenon!  Also, keep in mind that this is the photo that Froncek himself supplied to the Wall Street Journal:

Froncek also says that he would never exhale Smarties smoke through his nose, because that would be too “hardcore.”  Indeed, he claims that nasal exhalation of candy dust takes it “to a whole other level.”  Wow!  For some reason, I seem to remember the cultural phenomena of my day being a little hipper than this.

Anyway…the effect itself is surprisingly realistic, as demonstrated by this awesome (and obviously way more hardcore than Froncek) little kid:

Alright, first things first:  Finding a few YouTube videos on the same subject does not, by any means, imply a full-blown cultural phenomena (I’m already sick of that buzzword).  If it did, then I think parents would have more to worry about than a potential Smarties-related sore throat.  By using the Wall Street Journal’s YouTube research method, I estimate that one out of every 10 teenagers will die in a flaming shot incident within the next 2 years.*

Secondly, anyone older than, say…let’s just go with the age of consent…should have better shit to do with their time than perfecting their fake smoking techniques.  I’m looking at you Froncek!

Third…the stupid thing about this whole story is the immediate over-reaction by parents and “school authorities.”  Obviously, they’ve gone straight for the old standbys.  Prohibition!  Zero-Tolerance!  Won’t somebody think of the children?!?!  Smarties are even being referred to as a possible “gateway drug.”

Now, there’s a lot that could be said about the danger involved with letting idiots ban harmless substances because of their ability to be turned into other harmless substances.  All I will say for now, though, is this:  Smarties sure as hell don’t encourage smoking.  You know what might, though?  Sending kids to detention for “class II possession of Smarties.”  If I were a student and had the choice, I’d take the real cigarette every time.  Because at least getting sent to detention for smoking those won’t make you look like such a damned Froncek.

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*The other 9?  They’ll probably be murdered for being incredibly boring and annoying.