Some piece of shit named Scott Hoover is suing the Virginia lottery because he bought a scratch ticket and later discovered that the top prize for that game had already been awarded.  What the fuck did he expect?  Of course some people are going to end up playing after the top prize has been awarded!  That’s the obvious nature of a random lottery.  The only other possibilities are absolutely ridiculous:

1. The lottery could instantly go collect all unsold tickets the moment a top prize is collected.  Unscratched tickets could be refunded for full purchase price!  Of course, since the prizes awarded are directly proportional to the amount of tickets created (and therefore sold), this solution would eventually destroy the lottery as we know it.
2. The lottery could magically ensure that only the very last person to purchase a ticket will be the big winner!  Magic!

And where does it end?  What if the winning ticket is in someone’s glovebox for awhile and they don’t know it?  Should the lottery still be responsible for all those poor souls “wasting” their money on 2nd prize or lower?  Perhaps everyone could sue the winner instead for not scratching sooner!

Besides…the lottery never alleges that each ticket will have the real opportunity to win the top prize.  It only alleges that every ticket has the statistical opportunity to win a prize (and that a top prize will at some point be awarded to somebody).  If there’s still a single break-even ticket out there, who has the right to complain?

It’s not like they’re being shady here.  This douchebag, Hoover, used public records to determine (after the fact) that someone had already won the top prize.  Public records!  So, the availability of the top prize is public record?  What’s the fucking problem then?!  If he’s only willing to buy a lottery ticket to which the top prize hasn’t yet been awarded, he can just do the research beforehand next time!

Otherwise, I guess he’ll just have to live with a few gambles when he’s gambling.

We just finished watching it and I’m not at all kidding:  I wasn’t expecting much in the first place, but it was perhaps the worst movie I’ve ever seen.  I know, I know…some pretty terrible movies have been made in the past, but this one just took the cake.  Watch it only out of morbid curiosity.

I fucking hate people who, when waiting in line, feel the need to constantly be one fucking inch behind you. So, you keep moving forward trying to create some space, looking back with an irritated look on your face, and what do they do? They just keep moving forward right along with you!

You’re not saving any fucking time, idiots!

Also, I’ve noticed a trend in advertising recently, illustrated perfectly by a sign in the Quiznos that said something along the lines of, “MAKE IT A COMBO MEAL.” It’s the “Just Do It-ification” of the advertising world. Everything these days is presented like a command. Not, “Would you like a combo, today?” Just, “MAKE IT A COMBO MEAL, BITCH!”

No, Quiznos. I will not make it a combo meal. Go fuck yourself.

Americans everywhere are so up in arms about a new advertisement by Absolut Vodka, that the company has actually decided to pull it. The ad, only released in Mexico, showed a map of North America where the Mexican border extended north of the Rio Grande, into U.S. territory, and included the caption, “In an Absolut world.” (You don’t say? How dare they?!)

I’m personally a little offended that Absolut gave in to the whiny minority in this instance, because they had nothing to apologize for. All of the arguments against this advertisement are baseless, incredibly moronic and ethnocentric beyond belief. Comments about it range from the over-exaggerated, “I have poured the remainder of my Absolut bottles down the sink” to the horrendously misguided, “What if we drew up a map showing Paris as German territory? Same thing!”

That last quote (supposedly from a conservative talk radio host, although I’ve yet to verify which one) is an example of exactly what is wrong with America. The idiots are angry, but they don’t really know why. They all assume that this ad is some exhortation for Mexicans to invade the United States (hence the anger and comparisons to Nazi occupation). However, this only proves how little these “patriotic Americans” care to know about real history.

Perhaps they don’t teach about this in school anymore (we were always at war with Eastasia), but this map is actually a fairly accurate representation of what Mexico actually looked like in 1846, before the Mexican-American War. How is it possibly offensive, or anti-American, for an ad to imply that Mexicans might possibly prefer to still own the land that was ceded to the United States in 1848?

This is why patriotism runs so low in this country: The only people being vocal about it are pretty bad fucking spokesmen. In this day and age, real Americans supposedly believe that the United States have always existed as they are now on this flat Earth, and that we should boycott anyone who dares to suggest otherwise…despite logic and all in the name of freedom!

If that’s patriotism, count me the fuck out.

When calling a fellow employee for something that literally takes them one second to do:

If they don’t answer the first time…do not immediately leave them a message.  Why?  Because they then must log into their voice mail, listen to your message, do the simple-ass thing you needed, then call your fucking ass back just to tell you they did it.  Before putting them through all that extra bullshit, do them a favor, and at least try to call them one more time before leaving the message.  That’s just common fucking sense you lazy twit.