Just a few minutes into it, I already have the most widely recognized Kidney Stone Awareness Month in the world.

At least according to Google I do.

Did I do search terms for May?  Or April?  I don’t think so.  Well, they’re returning this month, this time with additional commentary where necessary.

• I fucking hate the internet - Me too, random ironic Google searcher.
• elway sucks - Even more than the internet.
• “nick manning” funny - Funny, disturbing…he’s the whole package.
• you can do magic trumpy - It’s called evil, kid.
• show me young cunt
• useless human parts is - What?
• porn from aurora colorado
• “pubic zits” - It’s called herpes, kid.
• caramel ass - Not here, but I can direct you to a chocolate anus.
• need exact direction to third bridge in aurora
• pronounce cutaia - kŭ-tī-yə
• never marry rimjob girl - Uh…ok?
• us constitution 10th amendment explanation - The quick explanation?  The government ain’t s’posed to do 95% of the shit they do.
• comfort dental blows - Even more than Elway.
• “peeing for” “seconds straight” - My current record is 1:15.
• i fucked her should i marry her - Not if she’s rimjob girl…
• ass 12 - They must have already seen Ass 1-11.
• Cutaia Meat
• everyone named mark is a cunt - That’s not true.  Some of them are douches.
• dick engages cunt 
• i married a cunt, I married a cunt - At least she’s not rimjob girl, right?

Also, for the hell of it, I thought I’d share the search terms that bring people to cutaia.net the most often.  Here they are in order, linked to what people are finding with them:

1. Sweet Eva
2. Fuck Britney Spears/Britney Spears fucking
3. Cutaia
4. Building a waterfall
5. YouTube fucking
6. Obama sex tape
7. INTL Gateway
8. Lauren Cleary
9. Charles Perkins legacy

Overall, it appears that making fun of washed up whores and using the word “cunt” a lot is the key to getting hits from Google.  So, watch out Miley Cyrus, you old cunt!  I’m coming for you!

Interesting search terms from last month.  A lot of them had a decidedly sexual slant this time around:

• roman bestiality
• chocolate skittles bad idea
• beard grow day 7
• fucking hate youtube
• pie recepies
• “Dupre” and “million dollar offer”
• dummies people alive
• They can beg and they can plead
• spitzer is an idiot
• crazy porn
• knucklefuck
• legalyu
• amy winehouse
• honey smacks font
• ideal condom
• boulder pink dog
• dr. camillo dilizia
• how to get over him ( it only happens in the movies )
• titfuckers
• guys getfucked .com
• panesexual
• flavorino tomatoes
• my face lauren cleri
• Indiana ditchweed
• forum democracy
• “boulder sucks”
• powerpuff girl
• jailbait forum
• avoid the bowlcut
• “sexual freedom organization”
• fucking show in net
• she called her a cunt
• animated gifs semen
• woman forced to sit on toilet for 2 years
• cigarettes and durgs
• the rock
• haunted third bridge
• how to build a waterfall
• blowjob Nose Pinch Job
• woogie.swf
• forum William Faulkner
• good thanks emails collection
• pawn messiah
• March 17th, 2008 Lauren Cleri

The previous list of search terms I had collected from February’s logs were lost in a tragic Summer’s Eve explosion during our latest vacation.  I’ve searched as far back as I could to try and recover all of them, but was hindered by the sheer amount of Lauren Cleri queries.  Here’s what I was able to find:

• mojojojo
• why is my temporary crown painful
• if it exists “you can find porn of it”
• firepaste recipe
• xkcd morpho
• ultimate cage match - superheroes
• roadside sculpture
• is a cunt music meatsock
• buffalo tongue
• “leave britney alone no
• brian cutaia photo
• SwissMiniGun FACT
• Dino Cutaia
• emetophobiea
• psychoactive durgs images
• road trip lake michigan

I almost forgot to post these interesting search terms that led people to my site during the month of January:

• anne hathaway bj
• robopocalypse
• mike huckabee “blinks a lot”
• What is it called when no argument is presented in an article?
• im the nazi
• jacksdead
• cloverfield SUCKS
• I’m sorry for being an asshole card
• dead deer picture that are hanging
• machine rape
• “The reality is” giuliani

Apparently Google has some new technology to search blogs instantly.  Either that, or I just happened to post something while Google was crawling my site last night.

See, I wrote an entry about the new movie Cloverfield, and just happened to include a paragraph about the amount of Google search results for the phrase “Cloverfield Sucks.”  It was less than 2 minutes before I received my first hit from someone doing a Google search for “Cloverfield Sucks.”

Now, either Google just loves the phrase “Cloverfield Sucks” or it just likes hearing about it’s own search results.  Either way, Google’s gonna fucking love this entry!

I’ve been waiting patiently for the movie Cloverfield to come out for months now (since before it even had an official name).  I’ve spent a bit of time looking through sites like 1-18-08.com and slusho.jp trying to piece together some clues about this mysterious movie.  I’ve even had numerous discussions with friends about the (then unseen) monster and what it might possibly be.

The fact is, I had high hopes for this movie.  However, I figured seeing it would be a win-win situation.  After all the hype and secrecy surrounding Cloverfield, I knew there would be incredibly high expectations from the masses.  Therefore, even if it was terrible, I would enjoy simply being in a room full of 100 disappointed people.  That’s just how I roll.

So I was excited to walk into that theater last Friday, no matter what the outcome.

I didn’t know just how good I had it, though.  It turns out that while I actually enjoyed the movie…no one else in the theater did.  The second the credits began to roll, three separate people yelled, “What??”  After that I heard a chorus of boos.  Essentially, I got to have my cake and eat it, too.

Or that is…everyone else got to “eat it.”

Note:  My favorite arbitrary method of determining popularity shows that I am indeed in the minority for liking this movie.  A Google search of the phrase “Cloverfield Sucks” returns 14,300 sites, while “Cloverfield Rocks” only shows 610.

The following quotes are all from a single interview with Rudy Giuliani:

• “The reality is we’ve got, we’ve got a lead probably in, like, 15 of the 20 on February 5th, Florida, and we’re competitive.”
• “The reality is the pressure works.”
• “The reality is they stopped in 2003.”
• “The reality is, it was a mistake for me to be on the panel.”
• “The reality is that Qatar is an ally of the United States.”
• “The reality is that we need to develop friends.”
• “The reality is that none of them amount to anything other than ethical, lawful, decent work done by both companies, sometimes of the highest standards, always ethical and decent.”
• “The reality is I made a mistake.”
• “The reality is I wasn’t aware of it either way.”
• “The reality is I should’ve found out the other facts that you’re talking about.”
• “The reality is—and I, I write about this in my book—I know my judgment is not going to be 100 percent correct.”
• “The reality is that my family has been subjected to threats, my loved ones have been subjected to threats, my assistants have been subjected to threats.”
• “The reality is that it all came about because of my public position, because of the fact that when people are public or celebrities these kinds of threats take place.”

Thank God for people like Rudy to thoroughly explain to us all exactly what the reality is.  For more brilliant moments of zen from Giuliani, simply Google the phrase:  Giuliani “the reality is”

On December 6th, 2007, at 4:52 AM, someone accessed my site from the ip address 194.83.96.20.  They found the site through a Google search of the phrase:

“how to kill someone without getting caught”

Step one…leave less records of your search for this information.

I’ve always loved reading the search terms that lead people to websites.  In the past few months, my site has been found through some interesting searches as well.  Thought I’d pass them on, for the enjoyment of all.  It’s like a twisted look into the societal mindset:

• SHE WARRIOR
• “fucking lipsyncing”
• most squirrel killed ever
• sugar walls
• tablebreaker
• Vaginaburger
• Andrew Meyer is a douche
• “smack the shit out of your children”
• tentacle-rape forum
• yosho fuck
• well dottie hinkle why aren’t they here yet
• “fuck cuba”
• How to extract cyanide from peach pits
• warehouse for dummies
• where is woogie
• All christians are bastards
• SICK BITCHES