Blorts

“Are you cold??”

(cutaia) — Mon, 17 Nov 2008 06:23:35 +0000

Note to people: If you see someone wearing a heavy coat or running a space heater at their desk…don’t look at them with an incredulous little look on your face and ask them if they’re cold. If you’ve ever done this to someone, you may have noticed that person then trying to move the conversation along as quickly as possible. This is because there are only two possible sarcasm-free answers to the question.

1) “Of course I’m cold. Why else would I be using a space heater, you fucking idiot?”
2) “No, I’m not cold anymore. I’m sitting in front of a space heater…you fucking idiot.”

Besides, you’re not asking because you genuinely want these obvious answers. You just think that such a question is somehow less douchy than simply blurting out, “I think the temperature is mild in here and I fault you for disagreeing.” (It’s not, by the way.)

On strike!

(cutaia) — Sat, 15 Nov 2008 07:49:27 +0000

I’m strongly considering an educational protest directed at the incompetent parents who drive their kids to the school near my condo each morning. I’m sick of starting my commute by waiting in a huge line of confused people who treat an empty crosswalk as a stop sign. Do you think this is too much for a picket sign?

“This is a crosswalk. You only have to stop when children are crossing the road. The person turning left does not have the right of way. Go.”

Perhaps I could just hand out Colorado driver’s manuals like flyers.

Another problem is that these same drivers suddenly start hating their brakes the second someone actually does step foot in the street. The students, fully aware of this fact and rightly scared for their lives, end up carefully gauging the situation for several seconds before ever deciding to cross. By the time they do, some asshole SUV mom will surely get tired of waiting and cut off the pedestrian (which starts the whole tiresome social stall all over again).

XBox anyone?

(cutaia) — Tue, 11 Nov 2008 05:37:05 +0000

Autumn and I recently got an XBox 360, by the way, so if any of the visitors out there happen to play Grand Theft Auto IV, Rock Band 2 or Aegis Wing…feel free to say, “Hi,” on Live. Gamertag: Everythings OK

(The real motivation for this post? I had to get the old “Beard Watch” post off the main page because it was clashing with the “most recent beard” image. Sadly, this was all I could think to say tonight…)

Beard Watch is here!

(cutaia) — Mon, 10 Nov 2008 05:44:29 +0000

Here’s the starting picture:

Synchronized Presidential Debating

(cutaia) — Sat, 08 Nov 2008 04:40:44 +0000

About that date…

(cutaia) — Thu, 06 Nov 2008 06:57:52 +0000

I know that I suggested that Beard Watch would be starting on the 1st, but the amount of Rock Band 2 in my life recently has distracted me from filming some un-bearded scenes I need for a movie. This means that the new date will be…um…the 9th? Yeah, that sounds good.

A 90210 moment…

(cutaia) — Sat, 25 Oct 2008 21:46:25 +0000

The other day, while flipping through the channels, I stumbled across this clip from an old Beverly Hills, 90210 episode. For some reason, I felt it was important to memorialize this travesty of cinema. So, here it is, where it belongs…on YouTube:

I’m setting a date…

(cutaia) — Fri, 24 Oct 2008 04:49:35 +0000

November 1st, 2008.

It’s coming…

Celebrating 4 years of cutaia.net!

(cutaia) — Thu, 23 Oct 2008 06:26:31 +0000

I forgot to mention this, but on October 14th, this website turned 4 years old. Whoo…

Copper thieves…

(cutaia) — Tue, 21 Oct 2008 06:27:31 +0000

I’m getting really fucking sick of hearing about these copper thefts that are getting so popular these days. Petty theft and vandalism are bad enough as it is…but these scumbags take the fucking cake. In case you somehow haven’t heard about these crimes, basically, you’ve got a bunch of druggies breaking into vacant homes, soccer fields, or anywhere else that might have a few thousand feet of wire. Then, they destroy the entire fucking place in order to get the copper. When the whole thing is said and done, the thieves have a couple hundred bucks worth of copper and the victims have $10,000 worth of damage.

These assholes all need to be shot in the head.